Facebook, you don’t know my life!

Facebook-it’s a study break for millions. And yet, I’ve been noticing more and more that it’s changed its mission from ‘distracting’ to ‘provoking’ me.  People are always commenting on how creepy it is that ads and banners are personalized to things they’ve done a websearch for, etcetera etcetera, and yet I’m left wondering: why are the Facebook ads popping up on the side of my page so incredibly off?!?  

Apparently I’m longing for a serious commitment and a diet plan.  I just didn’t know it.  I should have realized that the stress/comfort/only-thing-getting-me-through-grad-school eating and the lack of a social life due to a ridiculous amount of schoolwork were obstacles that I should overcome so that I can get to the two things that will make my life complete: a boyfriend and a tiny waist.  Why are these the things that social networks are throwing in girls’ faces (or boys’ faces…I only ask the ‘girl’ question first because I am one, and am too lazy to ask a boy ‘Hey-what are the ads that pop up on the side of your Facebook page?  I’m just curious because I went on a screenshot spree, and now this has turned into a scientific experiment and I’m gathering empirical data. [See?  That got complicated.  And turned into work.  My rambling has turned into having to do statistical analyzations…noooooooo!])?  I’m not saying this as a feminist, I’m saying this because it’s boring (ok…that could be offensive to all of my happily married/in relationships and skinny friends.  What I mean is-there’s no variety.  And?  I think relationships are boring.  But that’s just me, and has no reflection on you guys.  Just a reflection on how Facebook apparently hasn’t been paying attention during the years we’ve spent together.  [Now my ramblings are ’empirically’ offending people.  Great…]).  Where are the ads for eating chocolate covered insects on my ‘this could be your vacation somewhere in Asia’?  Or the ads telling me I can finally have donuts delivered to my door?  Or the self-stocking vending machine that I can have in my dorm room (because a vending machine would be awesome until it was empty.  And we’ve already established that I’m lazy, so this thing would need to be magical)?  Where are the ads for things that will actually make my life more interesting?  I’m just sayin’, throw a little variety in there, because you’re starting to make me think that I share the same destiny as a Stepford Wife.  (Again…no offense to my happily married/in relationships/skinny friends.  If you started to resemble Nicole Kidman, I would tell you.  Mainly because she’s freakishly thin and that movie is really bizarre.  And because you’d be a robot.  I may be remembering that movie incorrectly…)

In other news, I’m still workin’ hard for the money.  And by ‘money’ I mean ‘writing 65 pages in less than 3 weeks’.  And by ‘less than 3 weeks’ I mean ‘I’m incredibly burnt out, and so it’s turning into a week and a half’.  (I’ll never learn my procrastination lesson.)  To distract me further from this, Jenn and I are headed to Dublin this weekend to celebrate the downslide into her later 20’s.  Then a couple weeks after that we get to celebrate the exact same thing for myself, except we’ll be in Venice.  (You know what I just realized?  I’ll be celebrating my Irish/Italianness with back to back trips.  Oh my God, I’m so smart that I don’t even have to try.)   I don’t know why, but Venice has always been at the top of my ‘I want to go to there’ list.  I think when I was younger the fact that it was sinking made me panic that I’d never actually get to see it, which made it sky-rocket to the number one position?  I don’t know, I could have made that up.  Either way, Jenn and I will be celebrating our birthdays in foreign countries, and that is awesomely amazing.

So wish me luck, my minions.  I’m locking myself in the library until my flight on Saturday morning…food bribes, IVs of coffee, and motivational YouTube videos will now be my distractors, since I just put Facebook in timeout.  (Oh who am I kidding, I’m going to practice bad parenting and cave in 20 seconds.)  Happy Monday!


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